If you want to make sure your prospects stay GLUED to yoursales copy once they start reading, then this is the most
exciting and important message you will ever read!
Keeping your prospects glued to your sales copy isn't easy,
but remember what I said yesterday:
The sole purpose of your first paragraph is to get you to
read your second paragraph. And being the smart marketer
you are, you therefore "automatically" know, the purpose of
your second paragraph is...
Correct!
The purpose of the second paragraph is to get you to read
the third paragraph.
Good going there sunshine -- no need to bring you back from
the dead -- at least not yet anyway.
So today we'll look at the second paragraph of our mock
display ad.
Again, you can check out that original ad (and even print
out a copy of it) right here:
http://www.kingofcopy.com/tips/real_estate_ad_071505.htm
The second paragraph says, "We have developed a completely
unique real esate system which not only helps our agents
easily earn over $100,000 a year, but also pro-vides
exceptional service for our many clients."
Good things about this: BLuntly, any goodness this
paragraph delivers is
completely submarined by the one completely stupid and
amateurish move this writer made.
And here it is:
As soon as you started saying "WE have developed", your
immediately started raising your prospects "bullshit"
detector.
See, right away, your telling them...
THIS IS A SALES PITCH!
Which completely nullifies anything going on that's actually
good here.
When you write your sales copy, although there are
exceptions to the rule (like when you're telling a story
about yourself, for example), you want to write this glowing
review about your product, as if it was coming from an
unbiased and neutral third party -- someone with NO vested
interest.
Also, I'm not sure "providing exceptional service" is
something that's a primary benefit to realtors who may be
interested in this product.
It may be a benefit, but it's probably not something you'd
highlight in your display ad.
Here's something I might say instead:
"You see, an amazing new prospecting system has recently
been developed that totally turns the tables on your
sellers and buyers. Instead of worrying about where
you're going to find your next seller, using this
system, your sellers end up being the one's HOPING to find
you!"
And so, from the beginning, your copy so far, would read
like this:
"If you are a highly motivated real estate agent with a
burning desire to increase your commissions by at least
$100,000 dollars in the next six months -- regardless of
what level you're at now -- and if you're sick and tired
of dealing with buyers and sellers who really aren't as
sincere as you felt they were up-front... and you've had it
"up to here" with people trying to whittle your commissions
down
to practically nothing... then this is the most exciting
and
important message you will ever read!
You see, an amazing new prospecting system has recently been
developed that totally turns the tables on your sellers and
buyers. Instead of worrying about where you're
going to find your next seller, using this system, the
sellers end up being the one's hoping to find you!"
Tomorrow we'll check out how to continue on with this
paragraph, and we'll see what else you must include in your
sales
pitches, so they're a little more convincing than those
beauty pageant contestants who all say "World Peace"
whenever they're asked what their one wish is.
If you check out this tip online, you'll be able to see the
italics and emphasis I've placed on certain words for
pausing and sounding purposes.
You can see that here: http://tinyurl.com/98ojw
Now go sell something,
Craig Garber
http://www.KingOfCopy.com
P.S. Check out all the prior archives you've been missing, right here at:
http://www.kingofcopy.com/tips/tiparchives.html
